1. Preface
I have written this book specifically for men, whether they be mature men who suddenly find themselves confronting the world of dating after a long term relationship, fathers seeking the vocabulary to provide helpful guidance for their sons, or young men at the start of their journey through manhood who are trying to navigate the challenges of dating and courtship, often without any explicit guidance or mentorship from those who’ve been there before. I do not mean to exclude readers of other genders or sexualities, but for entirely selfish reasons my research has centred on the challenges that befall masculine men who desire relationships with feminine women. I hope that you will find insights in these pages which resonate with your own life experience.
Throughout this book you will find anecdotes describing my personal journey through loss, re-invention, and redemption. As crazy as some of them may seem, I swear that they are factual and unembellished. I have simply changed the names to protect the identities of the often not-so-innocent!
As you read my story, keep in mind that I am likely not much different from you: a middle-aged man whose previous relationships were based entirely on luck and circumstance. They consisted of a few short-lived romances and even fewer long-term relationships punctuated with long lonely periods of romantic drought. I have an average physique, average height, and haven’t seen the inside of a gym since high school. I enjoy a reasonably successful career, but both my professional and recreational pursuits tend to be dominated by men leaving little opportunity to meet eligible women. I feel much more at home roaming the aisles of the local hardware store than hanging out in trendy night clubs and bars. Although confident in my professional domain, I am naturally shy around strangers and find smalltalk awkward and unappealing. Female friends have often told me what a wonderful guy I am, but I used to struggle to compete romantically against other men who I considered brought less to the table – they were less successful in life, often less intelligent, not necessarily more physically attractive, and did not treat their girlfriends with deference and affection that I believed they wanted. In short, I was a frustrated “nice guy” resigned to the hope that fate would bring the right woman into my life at the right point in time.
This book details the lessons I learned that changed this mindset and gave me a sense of agency and control over my ability to meet and attract women.
Wherever appropriate I have included references to the primary sources that shaped my thinking and informed the opinions presented in this text. I invite you to do your own reading and to critically evaluate these concepts for yourself. I do not presume to have all the answers, nor that the answers I consider right for me are necessarily right for others. I am simply sharing what has worked for me and the men in my circle in the sincere hope of inspiring other men to more quickly find their own best path to emotional well-being and fulfilment.